In a nutshell… Blessed, thankful and very grateful. Well, some of you know that I lost my first husband of 10 years in a car accident just before 9-11. Twelve days to be exact. It was a "One-car, Unexplainable Accident" so the police report said. Explain that please! No answers, no one and no thing to blame. It just is... My BFF that I was going to have a "50 year" anniversary with some day was ripped away in seconds... gone. I blew kisses as he drove away for another day of work and 15 minutes later, a stranger, the wife of the only witness was at my doorstep. I wasn't informed that it was fatal until actually at the scene of the accident. When the sheriff realized I was in the passenger seat of a stranger’s car he tried to wave us to the side so I wouldn't see the devastation. My life was a perfectly put together puzzle and someone just blew it up into pieces... scattered. I felt like I was in a dream and couldn't wake up. But it wasn't a dream and it was very real. So real that my knees gave out and I collapsed into another complete stranger's arms... a moment I will never forget. It played in slow motion over and over in my head. God was present though and with me in the midst. So much to process with a million questions and yet a million more to come. The police, the firemen, the grief counselor and coroner at the scene, and family who began calling to find out what happened as word spread, bombarding me with questions… the same ones I had. I had no answers other than "I don't know" and he was just... gone. I always say I'll ask God when I get to heaven, but I know it won't really matter by then. Hmmm... strange thought, but very true. Anyway, I had quit my job the year before so our two "musician schedules" (he was a bass player) could mesh a bit more. Little did I know that it would be our last year together. God knew though and graciously enabled us to spend more QT together than ever before. The new schedule spurred a huge international family reunion so friends and family from all over the world got to see him that year and we even took a Real vacation for our 10 year anniversary! Not that family and mission trips aren’t totally awesome, but it was nice to have our first vacation... even though it was our last.
There was still smoke and debris was scattered everywhere. They sent me down the barrier to the frontage road where I had to make calls and answer questions, but they wouldn't let me see him because of the investigation. I just wanted to hold his hand before it got cold, even if they had to blindfold me. With tears in his eyes, the sheriff wanted to, but couldn't let me. He shared that they had to do a full investigation and couldn’t let anyone near the site. He was very gracious and so very sorry as he held me for a moment. He knew this was a tragic loss and said that something was “different” than others he'd experienced. His heart was truly and unexplainabily broken. When the time came to take me home, they wanted to use the back roads so I wouldn't see anything. But I had a right to see what the rest of the “one lane - I-70 onlookers” were seeing and had the driver take me down the same path so I could try to make some visual connections at some point. It didn't make sense at the time, but through that, God gave me a corner piece to my puzzle so I could begin to rebuild. Actually that's a pretty neat story in itself! Maybe I'll share that another time. I know God didn't make this happen, but He allowed it to happen for a reason that only He knows. Kevin always went after the underdog and often said, "I wish I could do more," but as stories began to pour in and as God has tenderly shared bits of our story through this broken vessel of worship, Kevin did more than he ever knew this side of heaven. God has used his life and his death in extraordinary ways crossing people groups, generations and cultures across the world. Because heaven has grown and because I know where Kevin is today, (gulp) it all has to be worth it.
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